Depression kills
A classmate from high school committed suicide this week. I cannot stop thinking about it and his family. I am heartbroken. I find myself feeling desperate to do something.......
I am sitting here at the pool while watching my son and a friend play in the pool. We just returned from a family vacation in the Dominican Republic. Life is good.
It hasn't always been this way, not because I/We are unlucky. But because I haven't always wanted to be here. And I don't mean at the pool, I mean alive. I have not always wanted to be alive. I have tried to go medication-free before and it doesn't work. People always tell me that they have the solution; go gluten-free, take herbs, practice meditation, keep a journal, write down one thing you are grateful for every day. People, for the most part, mean well. IF you suffer from depression, likely these so called "solutions" won't scratch the surface. There is also not a one-size-fits-all solution to depression. It takes many forms and many factors contribute to one's experience of depression.
Depression has taken many a life. I know this because I know people who have ended their life because of mental illness. I know this because I have been in that dark place on 3 different occasions in my life, where ending my life was a better option than continuing on with another day. Those were dark times, scary times, painful times.
We don't talk about mental health "issues," do we? It's like grief. It's a taboo subject.
I am grateful for the many therapists I have known and seen throughout my life for giving me coping mechanisms. I am thankful for medication. I am one of those people who cannot exist without it. I am thankful for my friends who confront me when they see I am downward spiraling. It's my COMMUNITY that I have turned to for help when I feel desperate. Because I get to the point, where I am so desperate that I know, somehow, someway my life will come to an end if I don't seek help.
Not every person is so fortunate and even if they have access to these things, they may not feel that it is an option. What keeps one person from taking their life versus another person? I don't know the answer. I know my answer and that's it.
I wish I had more answers because I am desperate to help other people. I feel such a longing and pull to bring this conversation out in the open, to develop a network of tools and resources that are easy to access for EVERYONE.
What helps me is to talk about, which is why I am typing here at the pool right now. It feels selfish that I get to do this. This is so much bigger than me though. I am only one person who has debilitating depression that ebbs and flows like any disease. It has its good days and bad. It's been good for me so far this year. I am so grateful for that. I am still reeling from the death of this classmate and feeling rather helpless and angry and deeply sad.
I am sitting here at the pool while watching my son and a friend play in the pool. We just returned from a family vacation in the Dominican Republic. Life is good.
It hasn't always been this way, not because I/We are unlucky. But because I haven't always wanted to be here. And I don't mean at the pool, I mean alive. I have not always wanted to be alive. I have tried to go medication-free before and it doesn't work. People always tell me that they have the solution; go gluten-free, take herbs, practice meditation, keep a journal, write down one thing you are grateful for every day. People, for the most part, mean well. IF you suffer from depression, likely these so called "solutions" won't scratch the surface. There is also not a one-size-fits-all solution to depression. It takes many forms and many factors contribute to one's experience of depression.
Depression has taken many a life. I know this because I know people who have ended their life because of mental illness. I know this because I have been in that dark place on 3 different occasions in my life, where ending my life was a better option than continuing on with another day. Those were dark times, scary times, painful times.
We don't talk about mental health "issues," do we? It's like grief. It's a taboo subject.
I am grateful for the many therapists I have known and seen throughout my life for giving me coping mechanisms. I am thankful for medication. I am one of those people who cannot exist without it. I am thankful for my friends who confront me when they see I am downward spiraling. It's my COMMUNITY that I have turned to for help when I feel desperate. Because I get to the point, where I am so desperate that I know, somehow, someway my life will come to an end if I don't seek help.
Not every person is so fortunate and even if they have access to these things, they may not feel that it is an option. What keeps one person from taking their life versus another person? I don't know the answer. I know my answer and that's it.
I wish I had more answers because I am desperate to help other people. I feel such a longing and pull to bring this conversation out in the open, to develop a network of tools and resources that are easy to access for EVERYONE.
What helps me is to talk about, which is why I am typing here at the pool right now. It feels selfish that I get to do this. This is so much bigger than me though. I am only one person who has debilitating depression that ebbs and flows like any disease. It has its good days and bad. It's been good for me so far this year. I am so grateful for that. I am still reeling from the death of this classmate and feeling rather helpless and angry and deeply sad.
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